Random thoughts
Jierarudo was asking me the other day if I had anything on my head that I had to share. This was after I sent him an SMS about friendship. I told him it was nothing in particular, just one of those days when you feel like counting your blessings.
It led me to thinking.((I rarely get to really think like I used to. On regular days it would be like… things to do for work and school, and on regular nights it’s either sleep, a little light reading or videogames. ))
I started to really count. The people I knew, people I met. Friends I’ve made, family I kept in touch with. Boys I had crushes on, girls I envied. Students who gave me headaches, students who still keep in touch. Friends I miss, friends I still keep. People I live for, people I’d die for.
I counted less than ten people who I can say are really IN my life at the moment. Most of the people I thought about are mere memories of the past. If in the present they would either be only kept via remote manners (if any at all), like electronic gestures—SMS, email, or live internet chat. Does that strike you as sad?
Only later on did I realize I never really counted things I’ve accomplished, stuff I did on my own and am proud of. I can make a list of it even, come to think of it. But it came last in my head. People came first.
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A few weeks ago I’ve been rambling on about weddings. Paul (January 3) and Marla(October 25) being the closest people to me who were married recently. I never got to do the wedding fantasy that girls talk about when they’re little or teeners, so I may be having that kind of attitude towards it the past few months. So okay, I’m going to confess that I tried fashioning a “list” of my own. I showed it to silverh sometime last year, and he didn’t act so surprised.
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Someone once told me that I shouldn’t value others above myself. “Stop being noble, that sort of attitude never can a successful person make.” Does that mean I’ve had none but failure in this life this past quarter century? Am I some loser? I don’t think so.